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Happenstance of Misht Soloi

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The Works of the Flesh [Apr. 30th, 2012|06:19 pm]
Happenstance of Misht Soloi
[Current Mood |anxiousanxious]

Always I have found myself caught between two worlds. This is Maya again! Calling…. "let me test him, if you think he is so faithful". But it is a struggle. That world of intense yoga, earthy power, moving energy, sorcery, Shiva-Shakti, Maui stuff again. The circumstances whisper to me, remember when you fit into this world? Remember when you were a Mayavadi sorceress with ancient siddhis? When your philosophical intelligence, your depth of study, your artistry and creativity and your effulgence and light drew the greedy jaws of the dull-eyed who take life to live--who take the position of enjoyer and controller, wielding over their fellow beings, who wanted you to become one of them or be devoured--do you remember?


No wonder I hate to see myself impressive in any way and should prefer a humble love of and service to those who are chaste and charitable, clear-minded and sober, humble and honest, kind and compassionate.

The problem is the former situation of odd entanglements pops up anywhere and everywhere… in small subtle ways perhaps but disturbing nonetheless. The culture of rajas, energy manipulation, ashtanga, pranayama, tantra.

It is clearly different from any and all manifestations of transcendence. One of the things I like to do to refresh my faith and trust in the transcendental is to read in the Bible about the fruits of the Holy Spirit… or read in the Bhagavad Gita about the traits of one who is situated in transcendence. This is the Lord. This is the eternal position of the soul. All of this other--why, Shiva-Shakti is mode of ignorance and mercy only, that those under that mode may have some protection. Can we understand this without slipping into thinking that it is in anyway equal to the Supreme Lord and His service? Can we recognize the material desires and bewilderment that is inevitably worked into this?

Can *I* recognize this when it appears? Does the spirit follow always the external manifestation? Whether it is being too free with bodily association or what? Oh, one who is transcendental would not notice. I reveal to myself my own entanglement with material nature when these things plunge me back into the Maui-anxiety. I lack the purity to be all-encompassingly on this spiritual platform--I get hooked here, and there, and all over.

Most of my 'hooks' come in the form of aversion… such as to this. BG 3.34: "There are principles to regulate attachment and aversion pertaining to the senses and their objects. One should not come under the control of such attachment and aversion, because they are stumbling blocks on the path of self-realization."

One of the most fruitful and sweet things one can do in this situation is to turn to the Scriptures. Always! This study is the worship of the Lord and the cultivation of sincerity in the heart… and the clear, practical teachings contained therein are a relief to the agitated mind.

Galatians 5:16-26--

"I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another."

And again,

"Humility; pridelessness; nonviolence; tolerance; simplicity; approaching a bona fide spiritual master; cleanliness; steadiness; self-control; renunciation of the objects of sense gratification; absence of false ego; the perception of the evil of birth, death, old age and disease; detachment; freedom from entanglement with children, wife, home and the rest; even-mindedness amid pleasant and unpleasant events; constant and unalloyed devotion to Me; aspiring to live in a solitary place; detachment from the general mass of people; accepting the importance of self-realization; and philosophical search for the Absolute Truth — all these I declare to be knowledge, and besides this whatever there may be is ignorance." - BG 13.8-12

The mind must come under the control of real knowledge. When we are under the control of our attachments and aversions--so easy!--we must return to this in all humility and faith. Already my mind is relieved from delving into the clear and practical words of God and His representatives. What is transcendence? It is listed clearly and plainly, calling out to knowledge we once had when we were not bewildered.
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(no subject) [Feb. 18th, 2012|01:47 am]
Happenstance of Misht Soloi
[Current Mood |weirddetached torturousness]

The shift manifests itself in great difficulty; in some sort of vague, deranged, bereaved lashing of the uncontrolled mind like dark and woody tangles rooting themselves everywhere, a prison that cannot be escaped from.

This is becoming more clear: that we of ourselves can do nothing to save or liberate ourselves. At best, we smile and say "that's life", and we learn to cope with it. But to set oneself with determination to be free of it--to not settle for mere coping--is to unleash both the futility of trying to fight against this unmatched prison and the unspeakable, unimaginable grace of God, causelessly, plucking us from it.

In the midst of unimaginable terror and suffering there is that still ocean of peace, undisturbed by the raging rivers that flow into it. Suffering is the crucible of that peace, the detachment that clears the mind when achieved, in any small measure, to move forward to what is Real, Eternal, to True Knowledge.

I was born an artist.

I probably won't be much good for anything else, this life. That and spiritual life, detachment and blissful mysticism, are the only cornerstones of my existence. Realizing how out of my control this fact is, I can do nothing else but accept what comes to me as well as what my own mind and body are capable of. There is one choice I can make, and I need grace to make even that choice.

He shall keep me here if He deems it necessary. I will learn peace in this too, once the mind quiets.
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Darshan [Feb. 5th, 2012|08:50 am]
Happenstance of Misht Soloi
[Current Mood |thoughtfulthoughtful]
[Current Music |Dar Shan - Bjorn Lynne]

Life is shifting again...

Whilst I redesign my paradigm and matrix for purification and single-focus, I have found it not only centered in things of the spirit, but (on the material side of things) re-exploding in the edges of my fiction writing. I was, somehow, with this facade thing, stultifying my imagination. What! No... not in itself, and there pieces that inspired, but in general fear and inauthenticity were tying me down. It was not that I tried to be inauthentic, but that I confused my desire for God with my desire to please human beings and my desire for material piety and religion. That was--is--a hard thing to let go of. Where is my Lord? Where shall I find Him? I had to be honest with myself about this. Still it is hard to talk about, because I know my own imperfections and illusory vision. If we see but in a glass darkly I am the worst off of these.

So I will talk about something else instead.

Recently I sent an old acquaintance some of my unrevised novels--the darker ones. As I was preparing them I noticed that I had used the name "Darshan" for characters in both of them. Though totally unrelated stories, the name was there in both. The two freedom fighters who kept stalking (in a helpful way) the main character in the dystopian novel were named Darshan and Lila. In the other novel, one of the main character's names (not one she went by, but a family name) was Darshan.

Since I wrote those novels at such dark times, what was it that I was looking for...? Perhaps that is so much a sign.

Back when I was younger and traipsing the internet for fantastical stories and RPs, and traipsing the countryside for simple life and constant meditation in communes and convents, I had, briefly, an RP character named Darshan. That was, actually, my first use of the name.

Last night I was reading a scifi novel called "Dragons in the Stars" by Jeffrey Caver. Quite a good novel, and since I have not read science fiction in years, it brought me back to my highschool days and before when I would read science fiction by the cartload. Starships, FTL travel, and the drama of super-technology applied to human morality.

I had exciting dreams all night and woke up remembering Darshan. Specifically, how I first came across that word.


A scifi music track by artist Bjorn Lynne. I had only a sample of the mp3 in highschool but I looped it.. endlessly looped it. I think more because of the name than anything else.

A year and a half ago (give or take a little), I found out... actually... what Darshan means.

In other news, I am almost ready to start cutting and rewriting The Ransom of Dharluth (the above image, as well as being about my Darshan feelings, is a cover art I put together for it). Its prequel: the first draft is finished. The planned sequel--not yet started, but gathering ideas for it. Interestingly enough it was going to be somewhat science-fiction-ish because of the crystal spaceship (not really picture here) and interplanetary travel that was hinted to occur happen at the end of Ransom. Also, the ghost will be written in more, in the rewrite, and shall probably make his own attempts at interplanetary travel. That should be interesting, especially as they are trying to reach a higher planet that human beings cannot really live on. Now I'm doubly inspired! We shall see how that turns out. I'm going to work on the rewrite before I write the new novel, though, I think, lest I swamp myself.
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Why to Write [Feb. 1st, 2012|10:43 pm]
Happenstance of Misht Soloi
[Current Mood |sleepysleepy]

I realized... I really hate blogging! Anonymous jewel-lit flights of fancy sprinkled across the page, all right. Deep, introspective ponderings on various life situations and philosophical possibilities, okay. Brilliant, sun-soaked illuminations of profound mystic truth, sounds good to me.

But I can't put a face on. I can't write for an audience. For the bare, simple reason that I am unsure who I'm writing for, and the people I imagine I'm writing for make me feel quite self-conscious (apparently) so that I tend not to let out the ecstatic drivel that is my truest self and highest passions.

Platforming and marketing runs tired and dry for me right now. This is largely because the sting and frayed edges of my own impurity and lack of knowledge, lack of understanding, frames the clear-as-a-bell sounding call for me to drop all material accomplishment, all ties to worldly life, and plunge myself headfirst into the sweet burning flame of renounced life.


Once I come through the other side of that fire, I will know, perhaps, who I am, and why I am writing. At least I should hope to know why I am writing, who I am writing for, and what noble service I am doing, what I hope to accomplish with it. Now, it is too vague. The intelligence of those who are irresolute is many-branched. Dispersed. Fizzled out. Laser-like precision, single focused will, this is the only thing that will save me or anyone from the terror and bitter taste of wasted time, wasted life. Wasted consciousness.

Today is the feast day of St. Brigid, my long-time flame of inspiration and also my confirmation saint. Her singleness of purpose in service, to the renunciation of every worldly good or self-thought, is dressed in a thousand miracles and the bestowance of the mercy of the Lord in her honor.

So in her footsteps I shall set my face to the things of God for a time, and leave off all of these material worries. All the rest of these things are only for that--to always remember God, and never forget Him.
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(no subject) [Jun. 29th, 2011|01:47 pm]
Happenstance of Misht Soloi
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]

"There is no soundness in my flesh because of thine anger; neither is there any rest in my bones because of my sin."
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The Vedic version of Michelangelo's Creation of Adam [Jun. 13th, 2011|10:03 pm]
Happenstance of Misht Soloi
[Current Mood |ecstaticecstatic]

This is so much more beautiful than acres of diamonds and tapping into your genius and personal power... why bother when you have He who is all treasure, all beauty, all truth, all knowledge, all power, all goodness? This Love and devotion is what He made us for.
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Debuting the "nude" paradigm headshot. [Jun. 13th, 2011|11:46 am]
Happenstance of Misht Soloi
[Current Mood |sadsad]

I have a lot of friends on facebook, from more worldly groups, to conservative Protestants, to traditionalist Catholics, to the tantra/personal potential/genius crowd...

Through connections with this latter group I saw a photo on facebook. The woman in the headshot was unclothed, but nothing was showing--the shot went from the shoulder blades up, and was from the back while her smiling face was turned to look over her shoulder. A feather decoration and a tattoo of some kind were visible. Although that fact that she was nude was obvious, there was no more skin showing than would be appropriate in any public forum. The photo description was as follows:

'Debuting the "nude" paradigm headshot. I'm wondering ... as we move into this new paradigm, how transparent/authentic you are willing to be? Should we keep pieces of ourselves hidden or let it all hang out?'

This is an interesting question, and despite my emotional issues with sexual manipulation and usury of human beings for various sense gratifications and lusts, I do not tend to apply them in such a situation. The energy of such a photo is indeed different, but it is a vulnerable energy, and because of my background I distrust such things. A professional is not there to be naked and vulnerable to his/her clients--yes, there are some business owners who DO run things this way, and they tend to be people with a lot of good karma--a lot of personal confidence, power, and magnetism. They may gain this in different ways. This is generally what I term the practice of sorcery. People also find fulfillment in connecting in a vulnerable way. This is one reason why so many people have sex to cope with the terror and emptiness of their lives. Sorcery and emptiness or terror seem to go hand in hand, from what I have seen.

The immediate problem I had with this photo and the idea it was propagating was the assumption of identification with the body. The goal of most serious religions is to disidentify with the body and identify with the soul or spirit--reawakening oneself to one's true eternal nature and relationship with God. The fact that most people accept that we do not quit existing after the death of the body should be evidence enough for those people to know better than to identify with the body. If you hang your body out there and encourage bodily/material activities in association with it, what are you doing to your soul, of which the body is a temple?

I keep coming back to the concept of the body being a temple... as such it is important to protect it from the cruelness and usury of this fallen world. My first instinct when I saw this photo was that this woman's desire to be transparent in this new paradigm was rooted in ignorance that she was not her body, and that vulnerability and transparency meant or necessitated this physical nudity.

A great quote from another friend on facebook:

"If beasts can be understood as organisms living in environments which are good or bad and to which the beast responds accordingly as it has evolved to respond, how is man to be understood if he feels bad in the best environments." -Walker Percy, "The Message in the Bottle"

In terms of service and vulnerability, I like to fondly remember Mother Teresa, whose love and support and service to others was not to bestir or inspire their material desires, but to remind them in a profound way that the state and condition of their bodies mattered nothing compared to that of their souls. She saw and loved them as spirits in relation to God, and this changed their lives. Many Christian saints and Hindu saints that I have read about do the same thing.

The path of sorcery (as I like to call it) is the path of identification with the material--be it the physical body or one's personal energy/magnetism/life force and keeping all of that in health and balance and subject to one's creative will. It's very nice and attractive. But boiled down, this is animal life, and all my life it has held less attraction for me than for most. And what attraction and attachment I do have for it, causes me so much suffering and pain that I long to be free of it.

Which is what led me, of course, to the transcendent path--the path that seeks to remove one's attachments the material, to material power and prosperity, and bring the soul back to its Source through the mercy of God. From this place of service is an unruffled place of bliss where one can give far more to others than one can from a place of material identification. God, in fact, is infinite and boundless, whereas one's personal power and energy is very limited. We and all our power are sustained by God, of course, but to surrender to him, obey him in devotion, and make ourselves his with him as the center of our life, brings us infinitely more.

"My son, you are with me always and all I have is yours."

"Do not lay up treasure for yourselves on earth, where moths devour and thieves break in and steal, but lay up treasure for yourselves in heaven. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be."
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The Power of Celibacy [May. 23rd, 2011|08:25 am]
Happenstance of Misht Soloi
[Current Mood |thoughtfulthoughtful]

One of the great mysteries of being female is the monthly reproductive cycle. It changes consciousness as it cycles, as the hormones change and prepare the body to mate and become pregnant, pulling a huge amount of energy from the psyche and body into this task. And then, if this does not happen, to flush out the congealed energy--a task which, according to the density of toxins or heaviness, and (so I've heard it said) the weakness or gaps in her energy, may be more or less exhausting and painful, leaving her to withdraw from the world to cope.

Cut for length...Collapse )
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(no subject) [May. 19th, 2011|08:06 pm]
Happenstance of Misht Soloi
[Current Mood |sleepysleepy]

In that bygone age we were blest with the most fantastic bodies, powerfully forged in scales and flame, artfully arranged material elements, boiled to their cosmic essentials. We ruled the planets, stars, elements. Perhaps we were alway dazzled by the shew of our own power and brilliance, so wonderfully wrought were we.

By the steadfast mercy of the Lord who draws all spirits yet back to himself we let loose those bodies--by our own sins--born instead we in human form that in humility we may achieve realization of and surrender to God. Were our sins great that we found ourselves in serpentine bodies of magic--flesh of fire, bone of iron, fed by starlit river--or was it thence that we sinned, turned from the Lord's association to the admiration of our own material power and magnificence?

We have been given transcendent bodies now. With great reverence for this gift we yet humbly have compassion on the shape of our spirit that has so long dwelt in its own extravagant jewel-studded beauty. The stuff of myths and legends, the creatures that create worlds. Grit our teeth, and for our ken take the necessary step to human life, to do penance and achieve pure surrender to the Supreme, that we may draw all generations of our kind into the bliss and joy of the sweet love of the Lord. Everything must be given up for this, and the human form is uniquely equipped to realize and achieve this... yes, we have been given an unmatchable blessing, made a little less than the angels, crowned with glory and honor.
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(no subject) [Apr. 9th, 2011|09:06 am]
Happenstance of Misht Soloi
[Current Mood |creativecreative]

I have been wondering about the best way to portray God in a story.

Many times he is necessarily vague. In the New Testament we see him as through Christ--almost necessary for us human beings to see and comprehend? Literature is full of the "imagination's search for God"... I thought last night, at a gathering at a friend's house, they were telling us about Cthulu, describing him as this cosmic being of unspeakable terror from which no one could ultimately escape. I thought, wow, what a great example of the imagination's search for God... for to atheists and those who hate God... God is exactly thus. Maybe he even appears as a terrifying bat-winged squid-headed monstrosity (not literally, obviously, but the imagination might search him this way if this is the quality of the soul's relationship to him).

How we portray God, then, has everything to do with the relationship of the soul who is seeing him. Since in my fantasy world (so far) there is not an Incarnation, all of the approach of the races of the world to God are mainly imaginative and revelatory--the soul, or mind/personality complex (psyche) interpreting and imaging the experiences of the spirit (pneuma) with its Creator.

In literature then we have several choices, and the most popular one in spiritual fiction seems to be to take the camera off of God or of visions or experiences of him, and onto characters whose choices and actions we can see and touch, observing their response to God's work in their spirit. Tolkien does this (even without religion in his fiction he presumes on the truths of religion worked directly into the motives and choices of the characters), Bryan does this too, and hey, God did it HIMSELF with Jesus Christ. Don't trust those pictures and feelings in your mind, persay, but ground them in what is made possible in human life. He did it himself, so of course we are to imitate. Perhaps this is the best way, then, to approach depicting God in fiction. This too is why reading about and studying the lives of the saints can be so profound and useful in one's spiritual life.

Let us write fiction about saints, then.... and characters learning to become saints... that we give models to our readers as the most sure way of showing them what it looks and feels like to have that saving relationship with their Creator.
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